Saturday, March 24, 2007

Hard Times For Produce Man...

Question:

I took your advice and am keeping my pecker up. It has been 2 days. What do I do with it now?

Answer:

First of all Sir, congratulations on keeping your pecker up for two days in a row (sans the little blue pill I assume). Women across the world will likely begin to search you out if your significant other is unprepared to 'nurse you back to health' so to speak.

One thing you must absolutely remember to do in situations such as this is to continuously check the baggage below to ensure that nothing is turning a blue shade. This can lead to a detrimental change in attitude and can cause elevated irritability.

In certain cases, men whose pecker stays in an upright position for an unusually long time have begun to develop a pinched facial appearance, have difficulty maintaining a calm demeanor and have had to wear their shirts untucked in order to provide cover for their otherwise attention getting feature.

Reports show that it has also lead many to participate in public leering and ogling, so be careful where you go during times when your pecker is about to peak, or, prepare yourself for unexpected reactions from the opposite sex such as a quick, sharp smack to the face.

There are also other health risks involved in moving about when your pecker is at full staff. For instance--it has been reported that turning a corner too quick can lead to bodily injury, which will require an ointment application in order to achieve some sense of relief. (Depending on how you look at this, this could be a really really good thing.)

I suggest that you enlist the help of someone close to you to 'give you a hand' in order to alleviate this problem otherwise you might just blow it yourself.

Good luck and if all else fails--my phone number has been e-mailed to you.

Dr. J

11 comments:

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

You are hysterically funny (But you knew that). Now I gotta come up with a question that tops that, Dr J.

I shall return...

jbwritergirl said...

I'm waiting...

Go ahead...ask me anything!

Dr. J

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Here's my first question. I'll go gentle with it: I recently found out that one of my ex-wives is reading my blog. At least she does not comment. Since she is both happily married and also I am anything but kind when discussing these women, what could her motivation possibly be?

And how I stop such a run-on sentences?

Meloncutter said...

Hay Dr J. Check out Meloncutter Musings monday posting for a big welcome back surprise I am giving you.

Glad to have you back my friend.

Later Y'all

Meloncutter said...

in fact, it's already up now should you want to slip over and check it out.

Later Y'all

Skittles said...

I'm here from Melon's blog! Just saying hi!

Sarge Charlie said...

Mr Melon sent me over, you sound like the Melon Cutter, could be his evil no good twin.........

Crazy Working Mom said...

Mellon said you were brilliant! Wow, what an understatement. :)
Great writing! Welcome back to the blog world!

Comedy + said...

Meloncutter sent me over and I am so impress I have your link on my sidebar. Anyone that chats with Bud Weiser WTIT has got to be okay too. Loved this post. Got way too many visuals, but loved it!

Jeni said...

Anytime Meloncutter waxes sentimental, one has to check out what the cause could be so I stopped by following his directions. And, I don't think he was the least bit misleading.
Cool posts!

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Guy
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