Tip Of The Day!

Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Fear of Santa

QUESTION:

My son and I went to see Santa Claus to get our annual photo taken but this year he would not get on his lap. What happened?

ANSWER:

As children get older, their senses develop in ways we sometimes overlook. I believe what your son is going through is a normal fear associated with being in near proximity to a very rotund stranger clad in red.

In professional terms we call this "CLAUSE-traphobia".

Christmas Gifts To Beware Of

QUESTION:

I'd like to get my child a dog for Christmas this year. Is there anything I should worry about when choosing a gift like this?

ANSWER:

The golden rule here is to look for a dog that suits your family. It can be big or small, active or sedentary, but you must make sure that it's personality is one that will blend easily with the entire family. There is really only one precaution you should take and that is to avoid pet stores boasting signs like the one below.

Dog for sale:
Eats anything and is fond of children.

How Can I Make Holy Water?

QUESTION:

This holiday season I am feeling grateful for everything I have. I would like to perform a special ceremony to bless everything in my house but can't get my local clergyman to come over to perform this holy rite. Is there anything I can do at home to make holy water?

ANSWER:

This is a pretty easy fix. There are only two steps to making holy water:

1. Get a pot, fill it with water.

2. Put it on the stove and boil the hell out of it.